Tyson Langtree’s last words: “I tell you, man. Andy Kaufman is alive, man. He’s alive, bigger than shit, and cuttin’ throats. He’s Elvis, man. He’s the king of death.” This was overheard at the Caribou Creek Tavern on a Friday night about thirty seconds before bartender Lonnie DeGrasso tossed his sorry ass out onto a snowbank.
Nobody has seen the old boy since then. Deputy Castlemaker found a lot of blood in Langtree’s bed, though. Splattered on the wall, the ceiling of his shack on Midnight Road. Hell of a lot of blood. That much blood and no corpse, well, you got to wonder, right? Got to wonder why Langtree didn’t just keep his mouth shut. Everybody knows Andy Kaufman is crazy as a motherfucker. He been whacking fools since ‘84.
I think Langtree’s last words were actually, “Please don’t kill me, E!” Yeah, I know that’s what they were.